Radical Christianity: Get Married
Ok. The millennial generation doesn’t commit to diddly squat. We have (yes I am including myself in my rant) had options since day one. What do you want to eat? What do you want to watch on TV? Life is hard, mom can you bail me out. Pay my bill…wash my clothes…make my meal…so on and so forth…
The result?
To put it mildly we are a bunch of uncommitted, ungrateful and unmotivated human beings. We are the least married generation in the history of the United States. You CANNOT convince me that God has just decided to delay the process “in waiting for the right one” with our generation than any other generation. In those days, they were decisive. They picked one and made the commitment and covenant to stand by their spouse “come hell or high water.” (I LOVE THAT SAYING BTW)
Today, we place so much emphasis on how we “feel” about someone and how much “chemistry” we have with them that we are seriously delaying the process…And not only that, our thinking and decision making is based on principles completely ABSENT of God’s Word. You know? That God-inspired book that we claim as Christians should be the guide and life givingsource of our lives. Even though we spend less time reading it and studying it than we do eating a bowl of cereal in the morning. Side note. What if we spent half the time in God’s Word as we do on our phones? Convicting? You better believe it.
We are HEADING in the wrong direction and going there at a brisk pace. Dallas Willard once said, “Grace is not opposed to EFFORT…it’s opposed to EARNING!”
What does that mean? We have the power to change things, by God’s grace but that happens the same way as losing weight…making the decision and doing something about it. If we want to live a radical life for Jesus Christ its not having 1,000,000 followers on Insta, posting pictures of a perfect life that you don’t have! It’s obeying His principles, found in His Word. Specifically, in the arena of romantic relationships. So, with that as my introduction…let us begin….
FIVE PRACTICAL STEPS TO FALLING IN LOVE GOD’S WAY
1. SAME RACE AT THE SAME PACE
II Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
I have seen in a hundred times already in my young ministry. A girl or guy might be allowing themselves to “fall in love” with someone that “is a really nice guy” or “they go to church” or “they asked Jesus into their heart at a young age” but aren’t walking with God now. SERIOUSLY!!! Are we so blinded by “feelings” or “infatuation” that we have turned our backs on common sense and Godly wisdom?
If someone isn’t in love with Jesus Christ, then NEVER entertain romantic feelings or time. If you do, you are not only disobeying God you are playing with fire! It is a lot easier to pull someone down than it is to pick them up. This doesn’t just concern whether or not they are a “Christian” it concerns their theology? Their worldview? Do they want children? Where do they want to live? Does he work hard so he can fulfill his biblical command of “providing” and “protecting”? Is he teachable? Did she love Jesus before she met you? Do they challenge you to be better or enable you to continue turning your back on the Jesus you claim saved your soul?
Do you get it? There is work to be done and it’s time you started intentionally doing it! A young ladies first question to a man should be “what are your intentions?” That separates the boys from the men of God really quick. As Matt Chandler says, “Godliness is sexy to godly people…” Trust me. I know how hard it can be living in singleness. It’s lonely. It’s sad. It’s just super hard…but I haven’t come this far to settle on a girl because I want to have someone to talk on the phone to while watching Friends on a Friday. (This has never happened)
Side note. If you are saying to yourself, “there just aren’t any options out there that I want…” It might be because you aren’t attracting what you say you want. How in the world will you attract a godly man that loves Jesus when you only “like” Jesus with your heart and lifestyle? Something to think about yooo.
2. ROMANTIC BOUNDARIES
Song of Solomon 8:4 says “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”
“I have some MAJOR red flags. He doesn’t go to church much. He treats me terribly when he is “stressed out” and goes from job to job because he never likes submitting to leadership. But….he is so hawt! We make out all the time. It makes me feel good and loved.”
If you know this person, or you are this person, you have got a serious issue. Your infatuation has blinded your decision making. If there are EVER any red flags or concerns about a relationship you should avoid becoming romantic at all costs. Do your homework first. Know what you want in a man or in a woman and never compromise that. The more you delve into a relationship romantically, physically or emotionally it will make it all the harder to address or deal with issues that need to be dealt with. That should happen first before any kind of romance is brought to the table or “awakened.” It is never easy to deal with breakups or rejection, but you are NEVER looking out for someone else’s best interest if you have hesitations without dealing with them and engaging in romance with them. Protect their heart and protect your own. Be honest. Be clear. Know what you want and what you stand for.
3. GUYS: ASK HER OUT…FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Stop living a life of counterfeit courage. Stop thinking or imagining that you would ask the girl out or that you are just “waiting for the Lord.” That sounds more like you are blaming God for something that is not His responsibility. Guess what……….rejection is a part of life. Some of our parents did us no favors in giving us everything we wanted and teaching us that failure and rejection is a gift to be celebrated. But guess what? We are men now…And we can stop making excuses of why we are the way we are because of others. We can take responsibility and change our ways.
If two starving lions were given one dish of food 100 yards away, you know who would get it? The one that wanted it more than the other. If you like a girl, pursue. Try! I am positive it will most definitely be awkward because you are probably a meathead who doesn’t know blue from green! But a woman that loves God will think to herself, “I like a man who takes action and leads.” She might say no. But I would rather fail having the courage to pursue than never having the courage to at least try. What is the worst that can actually happen? If she says no, you’ll be just as single as you are right now.
4. GIRLS: RESPOND.
Honestly ladies, I am super intense, and I think I unfortunately scare girls away with my passion. So, do me a favor and show me a little grace here I am trying! If a man has the courage to ask you out, honor that courage with an honest reply. Sure, it’s not easy to disappoint someone, or hurt their feelings, but that is between them and God. Avoiding them or “ghosting” them is anything but honorable or courageous. It’s ok if you don’t like them or find them attractive (you don’t have to tell them that if you think they are ugly) but be honest with them from the get-go.
I have seen and have experienced young ladies that use men as emotional punching bags but never have any intention of ever going deeper with them romantically. That is dangerous. You are teaching yourself dangerous habits for marriage in emotional connection with other people who are not your spouses and you are being very selfish looking out for your own needs.
If you do like and do want to date him, great. If you don’t, that’s ok, just be honest with him and from there relieve yourself of any worry because at that point it’s between him and the Lord.
5. MAKE UP YOUR MIND
I have literally met people who have dated for five years! Trying to decide if they are compatible or not in marriage. FIVE YEARS! Seriously! What in the world where you doing for those five years? Staring at paint dry on the wall in complete silence? Aristotle or some super famous philosopher said, “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time!”
Are you attracted? That should be on the list! Not the top, but on it. As Gary Thomas says, “If the thought of seeing someone naked makes you want to vomit, you probably shouldn’t marry them!”
Are you “equally yoked?” – Do you have the same theology? Can go to the same church? Know each other’s roles in the home biblically?
Have you had a good fight? Listen. Marriage is between to broken sinners. How’s that for a great pick up line? “Hey girl! You look like you deserve hell!” … “Me too…” Watch to see if someone in the midst of their sin natures have a humble and teachable heart toward the things of God. Do they pack up and run at adversity, or do they stay and fight for what’s right? As Tim Keller points out, “there was never a least compatible marriage than a holy God with a sinful bride.” Are they someone you would like to show Christ-likeness to all the days of your life?
Do you have the parents blessing? I understand there are exceptions for different circumstances out there. But does your family like or respect your significant other? It’s a big deal. The people that know us the best can see the blind spots we tend to ignore because we are “in love.”
Have you dated for all seasons? Like spring, summer, fall and winter? I don’t like to make decisions in life until have done my homework and paid attention.
IF you have answered some of life’s most important questions and can proceed with confidence, then just intentionally EVALUATE doing life around each other. Enjoy it. Pray. And then, if the man (what I believe biblically) is in a position to PROVIDE AND PROTECT, then pull the trigger or BREAK UP!
Marriage between a man and a woman is how God designed that relationship to be. Culture is twisting and warping the view of what God desires the home life to be. If we, as followers of Jesus Christ have submitted to God’s Word, and want to obey Him all of our days, then one of the most radical things a believer now days can do…is GET MARRIED!
BUCKLE UP AND ENJOY THE RIDE!
